Choice, Deception, Trust, and Responsibility

Something I’ve been thinking about lately, something that is empowering, but also a little scary is just how much choice we really have in this life. That choice is a power we have over our actions as well as our beliefs. In some way I think I’ve been struggling with coming here and wondering—is this just a new way of interpreting all the old stuff? What makes this way more true or more right than what everyone else in the world knows? Isn’t it possible that the culture here just perpetuates the attitudes and ideas that are here and with everyone affirming each other all the time, how could we figure out that it’s wrong? Good questions? I don’t know. Normal questions? Yes. More like doubts though. Someone said something the other day about faith—that in our culture we are used to affirming what we believe and choose to see as true by resolving doubts. That by approaching a situation with doubt, and logically working around that, we make decisions. But faith doesn’t work like that—you can’t get there along the same road.

And something I’ve really been struggling with, is the fact that if I claim Jesus as the one and only truth—that means there are other ideas and beliefs out there in the world, held by friends, family, strangers, leaders, which cannot be true, cannot be truth. If there is one truth, that means there are not many truths. I believe that, but to claim it, to claim it…Even to speak as though the truth you know isn’t the absolute truth is like the girl walking the fence— she knows what side she likes better, but for fear of rejecting people on the other side, or being rejected by them, she just stays up there having access to all but by so doing, denying what she knows in her heart. To move past the “This is true for me, what’s true for you?” way of speaking and relating to the world is necessary, but scary! Scary because I don’t want to offend anyone, I don’t want anyone to feel judged. But that’s not right. Because Jesus is not religion.

So—I’m basically noticing a lot of religious knots that are tied up around my ideas and understandings of Jesus. I’m noticing that I can’t talk to someone about Jesus without feeling that I am also putting religion on them, and worrying that they will take offence. But the truth is, Jesus does not bring offense. The is no reason to be offended at Jesus—there is plenty of reason to be offended at Christians, Christianity, religious ideas, moral codes, hypocrisy, judgment, condemnation. But at Jesus, no. Celebration, joy, peace—that’s what should come with it. But I’ve had some other things attached to him, and I’m working to untie those knots, to be free from that restriction.

But what is seeming so interesting to me, is that I feel like I’ve been waiting for a revelation—a revelation that yes, Jesus Christ is the way the truth, the life, there is no other way to God besides him. And though I can easily claim to believe that and have it true in my heart. In order not to doubt, in order to be bold, I just keep waiting for some great peace or presence or word to affirm and yes, I will follow and I will speak and I will claim it. But I’m realizing. It’s a choice that is in front of me. Not a command to which I respond an obedient yes alright, now I know because you told me. But a choice, a risk even, me weighing out both sides, all sides, and deciding with my heart, mind my soul, and Spirit who I will serve. Like I said earlier—to think that we have the Power to choose, is, life changing really. That we have the choice to run our lives in whatever way we decide—it’s so heavy. Even if I have doubts or cannot understand or feel like I wish I had affirmation, I can CHOOSE to believe despite all those things. By my will and choice, I can raise myself up from a place of feeling lost and calling out, to a place of decision—and I can do that on my own.

Something else I’m learning is that the passive, “let God do what he will” attitude falls short of our potential to choose and take responsibility for what happens in this life. In other issues that I feel like I’ve been waiting for revelation and guidance for (and quite frankly getting really frustrated that God won’t just tell me what to do) I realize again, that I have responsibility here. Kris said in one talk that we must remember that when we are born again and if we are right with God, we have the mind of Christ, we have the heart of Christ. That’s not saying that we are God, or that we don’t need him. But God wants us to step up and walk with him, not just follow him around like an obedient dog. We are not puppets on a string, we are living, thinking, empowered beings. He has given us creativity, music, movement, ambition, compassion, and he wants us to use those things. And with maturity comes the ability to make sound decisions using your heart and mind and trusting that if you are headed down the wrong path or making the worse choice—God will get a hold of you and turn you around.

That’s another thing I’ve heard a lot since arriving. It seems that many people, myself included have such a great fear of being deceived—of being tricked into believing that something that is not God is God. We do not want to be gullible, we do not want to be wrong, so we doubt and question and theorize. But something I heard over and over again from many different sources, was that we need to have more trust in God’s ability to bring us into truth than we trust the devil’s ability to deceive us. If we are calling out and trusting God to bring us into truth, we must trust that he will do that and trust him more than our fear that we are being lead astray.

The Father's Love

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” 1^st John 4:18

That verse made sense to me for the first time this past week, while we were off at a retreat in the mountains. We had our sessions outside in a big field of green grass with mountains and sky all around us. Kris Vallotton, the associate pastor at bethel, was speaking. The night before, kindof an impromptu question and answer session went on for hours and hours while we were all having free time and drinking coffee. He’s really great too, very wise, lots of experience, lots of good things to say.

He wanted to talk to us about God’s love for us, and he demonstrated it with three stories about his grandfather’s love for him. He grew up with a series of bad step-fathers, and his grandfather was like a father to him.

I can’t tell the stories like he could—but I can summarize. He told three times or so when, growing up, he just really messed up—

1. He wanted to build a go-cart and used wooden slats he peeled off of the garage and wheels from his grandfather’s lawn mower.
2. He ripped the door of off his grandfather’s farm truck messing around with his cousins
3. He broke the tractor, which he wasn’t supposed to be driving, when he was trying to knock over a tree.

So-similarities of the stories—each time he was doing something that he wasn’t supposed to do—stupid things, things that make a lot of trouble and that have to be fixed.

And each time he told about how the reactions of the people around him was to say, “oohhh, grandpa’s gonna kill you. Oh man, you’re dead, you’re dead.”

But, each time, each story, ended with is grandfather—who was not a believer—reacting completely in love. Instead of shaming or bringing guilt, the grandfather reacted like,

1. “well—we can put some ply wood up on the garage—let’s go get you some real wheels for that thing.”
2. “you know, I’ve been wanting to take the doors off that old thing for a long time, why don’t you go ahead and take the other one off as well.”
3. “well, I’ve been wanting to show you how to use the torches for a while. Go on and get them and let’s go ahead and fix this thing.”

And I just thought. WOW. Because those were things that were bad—it had been wrong, and not only was it against the rules, but each time—something got messed up and had to be fixed. But regardless—the reaction was never in anger, though he had the right each time to be upset and disapointed. The correction was brought about in love, with grace.

And it just helped me understand something about God, about the ways he deals with us. Kris didn’t even reference that verse I mentioned above—it just came to mind because it finally made sense. We’re afraid of God’s judgment and punishment, but his discipline for us is not like we are used to. If we understand his love, we don’t have to fear his discipline—it’s done in love and not anger. Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. I think that brings a lot of freedom.

Sy Rogers

We had a guest speaker today who was speaking on sexual wholeness and the church and Christians and attitudes and all kinds of sexual issues that so often are ignored and covered up in typical church culture. I thought he was very very smart, and he won my respect. He gave some teaching on how to approach ministering to people with sexual issues. He travels around speaking, and also is a recording artist that does disco/club dance music which aims to personify the character of God in secular dance clubs all over the world.
he kindof reminded me of David Bowie-
here is his website: Syrogers.com
and a website he recommended dealing with issues of homosexuality: NARTH.com
A couple things he said that i wrote down:
"The blood of Jesus washes away guilt, but not history, memories, experiences."
-sometimes people who come to Christ from a background of sexual sin (substitute any life controlling sin/addiction) might think that Jesus isn't enough, that Christianity doesn't work, because they continue to have their same temptations, problems, issues. He said, no, Jesus does forgive sins, he does bring people to redemption , that works. But it takes more than that to rebuild away from memories, history-salvation doesn't automatically make struggles go away, but there is hope and there is always a way, because "There is no one for your success more than God Almighty-he has redemptive solutions."
"People get saved and they bring their humanity with them."
He said that where Christians go wrong in dealing with sexual issues is that they try harder to win an argument than win a person. They try harder to be right than to personify the character of God.
I thought he was very very good, very bold, and that the ministry he brings to the church is so necessary. i had to share that one.

Honor

They've made a big deal about honor here at school. Honoring others, because honor brings life according to the fifth commandment, the first that comes with a promise. It says, "Honor your father and mother as the Lord your God commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
When the leaders go to the front to speak, the congregation stands and claps in order to demonstrate honor to the leaders. They say you honor others because you are honorable. Honoring also has to do with withholding judgments.
To see Christ in a person rather than seeing their faults and errors and to honor Christ in that person is the right thing to do. It releases blessing into your life, whereas judgment builds walls and withholds life.
"If you receive a prophet because he is a prophet, you will receive a prophets reward." matt 10:41. To receive and honor a person in the name of Jesus, seeing Christ in them, you step into a place where you can receive from them the anointing they carry. Honoring that person doesn't mean agreeing with every part of their life or ministry, but to make the choice to uplift them because of Christ in them releases life back to you.
very interesting, i thought.

a blessing for blessing's sake

lesson number one of many.
Bill Johnson, the senior pastor here at Bethel (who still seems so famous to me that it's funny when I seem around) shares a lot of stories about what God is doing around the world, and in redding. He says, the power of the testimony is released when the testimony is shared--so that's probably why he tells so many miraculous stories. Once we hear and believe them, the power for more of the same is released into our midst. ( I don't know if that is through increased and stirred faith, or through some spiritual rules of the world, i don't know...)
He shared a few stories this past week about feathers and jewels. My mouth was just hanging open in amazement while he was talking, and I even asked him a question about it during the question and answer sessions (ha! i asked bill johnson a question, still seems so funny to me)
While he was talking to the group, a feather appeared floating around in the air up by the pulpit. a little white feather. He pointed it out and most people in the crowd seemed to be thinking it was something really special and happy. I thought it was werid that everyone thought a feather was so funny and I couldn't really put my finger on why Bill just kept watching it for a while. But. Get this everyone. that feather didn't just float down from a bird trapped in the sanctuary, it literally just appeared-came into the world. Where there was nothing, the next moment there was a feather, a tangible, physical, touchable feather wafting around by the pulpit. Apparently, a lot of people knew about this happening at Bethel (and in other places too) so that's why they all seemed to be in on the joke and that's why this feather was such a big deal.
Think about it. There's not a feather, and then there is. So I asked Bill to talk about that a little more, because I had never heard of that before. He said that feathers started appearing about 8 years ago, and at first he thought some birds must have been trapped in the air conditioners. But they came in other places too, at his home, in the car and through a long process of discovery, he found that these feathers would mostly come around when he was talking about healing. He takes that to have something to do with shelter in the shadow of His wings.
Basically the principle about this whole thing, is that there is a spiritual realm. It co-exisits with our physical world and sometimes, it translates into it. So this feather which exists in the spiritual, became physical to remind us all of God's healing and God's presence.
I mean. I saw it. It's a story to you all, but I saw it. it's incredible really. Because it's not as if there is some great cosmic purpose behind the revelation of a feather. There's not. It's just a small reminder that God is free to do the miraculous, the mysterious.
Bill also told stories of jewels appearing, falling from thin air--he showed us pictures and told stories of these jewls appearing in various places over the world--idaho and japan to name a few. They are bigger than the hope diamond, and have shown up in places where regular people are devoted to worship. What's the point of jewels--extravegence maybe? wonder? who knows! But it's so good! To be filled again with the wonder of a child at a REAL and WONDERFUL God--it's like a breath of fresh air.
a blessing for the sake of a blessing. in the same way, God has been blessing me, just to bless me. He's made a way for me to continue working with clay and ceramics here, simply because I've been wanting that. God does that kind of stuff.

480 Buckeye Terrace #5

There's my house. You can't tell but there are mountains all around it, and when there isn't smoke from forest fires blowing in, you can see blue/green layers of them from the balcony.
Our neighborhood low income, slightly run down, but I'd say nicer than I was expecting with mostly brown, old apartment buildings. I'm pretty sure there are drugs here, but I've never felt unsafe and our neighbors are very nice. So here i am--located right off Clay street. I thought it might be nice to have a setting for what I'll be telling, sharing, questioning, etc. Our landlords have come to call it the Glory House #2 (theirs is the Glory House) They are the only two yellow buildings in the neighborhood and definitely stand out-Ours was painted right before we moved in. There are a lot of Bethel students living in the neighborhood nice school started and we are going to start having some neighborhood outreach times as well. So. Here's my home for the next little while.