Choice, Deception, Trust, and Responsibility

Something I’ve been thinking about lately, something that is empowering, but also a little scary is just how much choice we really have in this life. That choice is a power we have over our actions as well as our beliefs. In some way I think I’ve been struggling with coming here and wondering—is this just a new way of interpreting all the old stuff? What makes this way more true or more right than what everyone else in the world knows? Isn’t it possible that the culture here just perpetuates the attitudes and ideas that are here and with everyone affirming each other all the time, how could we figure out that it’s wrong? Good questions? I don’t know. Normal questions? Yes. More like doubts though. Someone said something the other day about faith—that in our culture we are used to affirming what we believe and choose to see as true by resolving doubts. That by approaching a situation with doubt, and logically working around that, we make decisions. But faith doesn’t work like that—you can’t get there along the same road.

And something I’ve really been struggling with, is the fact that if I claim Jesus as the one and only truth—that means there are other ideas and beliefs out there in the world, held by friends, family, strangers, leaders, which cannot be true, cannot be truth. If there is one truth, that means there are not many truths. I believe that, but to claim it, to claim it…Even to speak as though the truth you know isn’t the absolute truth is like the girl walking the fence— she knows what side she likes better, but for fear of rejecting people on the other side, or being rejected by them, she just stays up there having access to all but by so doing, denying what she knows in her heart. To move past the “This is true for me, what’s true for you?” way of speaking and relating to the world is necessary, but scary! Scary because I don’t want to offend anyone, I don’t want anyone to feel judged. But that’s not right. Because Jesus is not religion.

So—I’m basically noticing a lot of religious knots that are tied up around my ideas and understandings of Jesus. I’m noticing that I can’t talk to someone about Jesus without feeling that I am also putting religion on them, and worrying that they will take offence. But the truth is, Jesus does not bring offense. The is no reason to be offended at Jesus—there is plenty of reason to be offended at Christians, Christianity, religious ideas, moral codes, hypocrisy, judgment, condemnation. But at Jesus, no. Celebration, joy, peace—that’s what should come with it. But I’ve had some other things attached to him, and I’m working to untie those knots, to be free from that restriction.

But what is seeming so interesting to me, is that I feel like I’ve been waiting for a revelation—a revelation that yes, Jesus Christ is the way the truth, the life, there is no other way to God besides him. And though I can easily claim to believe that and have it true in my heart. In order not to doubt, in order to be bold, I just keep waiting for some great peace or presence or word to affirm and yes, I will follow and I will speak and I will claim it. But I’m realizing. It’s a choice that is in front of me. Not a command to which I respond an obedient yes alright, now I know because you told me. But a choice, a risk even, me weighing out both sides, all sides, and deciding with my heart, mind my soul, and Spirit who I will serve. Like I said earlier—to think that we have the Power to choose, is, life changing really. That we have the choice to run our lives in whatever way we decide—it’s so heavy. Even if I have doubts or cannot understand or feel like I wish I had affirmation, I can CHOOSE to believe despite all those things. By my will and choice, I can raise myself up from a place of feeling lost and calling out, to a place of decision—and I can do that on my own.

Something else I’m learning is that the passive, “let God do what he will” attitude falls short of our potential to choose and take responsibility for what happens in this life. In other issues that I feel like I’ve been waiting for revelation and guidance for (and quite frankly getting really frustrated that God won’t just tell me what to do) I realize again, that I have responsibility here. Kris said in one talk that we must remember that when we are born again and if we are right with God, we have the mind of Christ, we have the heart of Christ. That’s not saying that we are God, or that we don’t need him. But God wants us to step up and walk with him, not just follow him around like an obedient dog. We are not puppets on a string, we are living, thinking, empowered beings. He has given us creativity, music, movement, ambition, compassion, and he wants us to use those things. And with maturity comes the ability to make sound decisions using your heart and mind and trusting that if you are headed down the wrong path or making the worse choice—God will get a hold of you and turn you around.

That’s another thing I’ve heard a lot since arriving. It seems that many people, myself included have such a great fear of being deceived—of being tricked into believing that something that is not God is God. We do not want to be gullible, we do not want to be wrong, so we doubt and question and theorize. But something I heard over and over again from many different sources, was that we need to have more trust in God’s ability to bring us into truth than we trust the devil’s ability to deceive us. If we are calling out and trusting God to bring us into truth, we must trust that he will do that and trust him more than our fear that we are being lead astray.